SIBLING RIVALRY - A FEW TIPS ON HOW TO DEFUSE IT

I am forever the optimist.  I am one of those people that see the glass half full instead of half empty.  I was verbally abused as a young child; I learned early on to block out the negatives by daydreaming about things in a positive way.  This is one of the reasons I wrote my second trilingual book as two twin sisters being best friends.  

Even though I do not have twins, but I know from raising three children, there can be plenty of friction between siblings.  Conflict is part of life; consequently, it is important to teach your child how to resolve issues that may come up.

If you have twins or any other children   and are having a hard time figuring out how to reduce the tensions between them, here are a few tips on how to restore peace:

1) Sometimes jealousy can set in; one way to handle that is to make individual time for each child.  Giving undivided attention will make a child feel very special.  Perhaps you and your spouse should take turn taking each child out. In my household, I call it: "SPECIAL TIME WITH MOM" "SPECIAL TIME WITH DAD."  For example, every year until my daughter went to college, I took her to see the Nutcracker in December.  My husband would take my son to a basketball game.  When my son was still living at home, my husband took Tae-Kwando lessons with him.   My oldest ended up getting a Black Belt in Tae- Kwando his junior year of high school.

2)  Never compare them to each other.  Try to focus on what they are good at.  Looking closely at what your child does well will help build self-esteem.

3) Children always emulate their parents; try to be a role model by handling conflicts that may come up in a constructive manner.

4) Remember, children go through many emotional ups and downs as they continue to develop; be sure to practice lots of patience with them.  Let them know you will be there for them no matter what. 

5) Always show your support by giving tons, and tons of positive feedbacks and affirmations.  I tell my children, I love them every chance I get.   I make a big deal when they accomplish a goal.  For example, today my 15 year old shot a perfect three pointer at 51 seconds remaining in his league basketball game.  We won the game!  I made sure to compliment him and took him out to eat lunch.